Clutter and Organization

Hi, my name is Erica and I am a perfectionist.  I have this crazy idea that the tasks on my extremely long to-do list have to be completed perfectly. 

My lovely and talented mother is a perfectionist so I come by it naturally.  Growing up, I watched as she seemed to breeze through anything and everything she had to do, and when she was done it was fantastic.  It looked amazing.  It was as if she was gliding on air in chores and activities.  She was and still is a very organized person.  In some ways, I am very much like my mother.  I love to organize.  When I was in high school and college my place was organized and clean.  I was able to complete things in a timely manner and with the simplest of ease.  

Recently I discovered that my perfectionist characteristics are holding me back.  Remember my post a couple of weeks ago about organizing?  I set my goal to one room a month.  Simple task right?  But what I am finding that I set my goals so obnoxiously high that I become discouraged when I am unable to obtain that goal.  I insist on dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's that I forget what is really important.  I know the first step is the realization.  Yes, I see this but I have been unable to change it. *sigh* This last week I have found myself reading numerous blogs that are riddled with ideas and suggestions, checklists, and guides and although they are all great ideas, it is just feeding this disability and my procrastination.

I think what really drew my attention to this was seeing my daughter and the problems she is having with the school.  Her 'I have to do it perfectly' attitude.  It really makes life difficult.  Wait I hear a commercial coming "Do you get frustrated when you cannot do something?  Discouraged that it didn't work out the first time?  Or maybe you find yourself procrastinating about a job?  This could be a sign of perfectionism. If you or a loved one suffer from perfectionism call this number right now to get help!"  If only it was that easy, right? 

For me the problem is my home.  I have always had a vision of my home is

a simple, picturesque place, that is neat and clean with a place for everything and everything in its place.  Then I think -- you have a husband AND a child, what you are dreaming will not never happen.

Thanks to HGTV (which I can no longer watch), my perfectionism has been fed by images of perfectly decorated and organized homes.  My question to those who get their room makeovers, where do they put all of your crap?  How do you let go of things that you once held so dearly?  Do you have the same problem I do in the fact that you think 'I might need this...'?  These decorating gurus give fantastic advice but how does the average person follow through?

I keep telling myself that by taking care of one pile of clutter I will not make my house perfect, but it will make a difference.  I have rejoined the Mama's Mission of the Month group which is helping my list of goals.  I now have broken my goal into smaller bit-size pieces.

Originally, my bedroom was my first project, and even the smallest little bit will help.  *deep sigh*  Now I have to take the time to do it and follow through.  Do or do not there is no try.  A good friend of mine told me that she didn't care what my house looked like she just wanted to visit.  I cringed at the thought of letting anyone in my home.  I was nervous and scared but I had to remember to stay focused.  Staying focused is easier said than done.  At that time, I just moved everything that didn't have a place in my living room to my bedroom.  Just some advice never, never, never do that because it never leaves!

Sure, I want to be in control of the clutter and dirt.  I need to learn to keep my feelings of anxiousness at bay.  I want my daughter to grow up in a home that is basically organized and tidy.  This is a house in which people live so it cannot be perfect (at least to my ultimate satisfaction) but it can look attractive.

I have to admit that it's okay if we stack movies on the end of the hutch, or books on the coffee table.  It's okay if we have toys on the floor during the day.  It's okay if my daughter tracks dirt in from outside, but dang it, I want to be Mary flipping Poppins!  I want to be able to snap my fingers and everything puts itself away.   

Giving up on perfectionism can be done, I am just not sure if it can be done by me.  Can I be satisfied if it is made better yet not perfect?  A fantastic friend once told me, "We may not be pleased with the way our homes look, your home looks wonderful to me.  Just remember we have children (and husbands!).  We can keep our houses mostly clean, most of the time, but it will never be perfect.  That's okay.  NOW GET OVER IT!"  I hate it when she is right! *stomp, stomp, stomp*

Now back to work.  I have a task that needs tending to and blogging about it procrastinating about it is not going to get it done.

Clutter and Anxiety

Do you ever look around and think you need more space?  That there just isn’t any more space in your home?  I don’t know if you are like me but as soon as I take a carload of bags or boxes to donation centers, it seems to immediately be replaced with more stuff.

I think everyone in this group is familiar with the late comedian George Carlin most famous routines, and it is one we can all identify. 

“That's all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That's all your house is- a place to keep your stuff. If you didn't have so much stuff, you wouldn't need a house. You could just walk around all the time. A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it. You can see that when you're taking off in an airplane. You look down, you see everybody's got a little pile of stuff. All the little piles of stuff. And when you leave your house, you gotta lock it up. Wouldn't want somebody to come by and take some of your stuff. They always take the good stuff. They never bother with that crap you're saving. All they want is the shiny stuff. That's what your house is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get...more stuff! Sometimes you gotta move gotta get a bigger house. Why? No room for your stuff anymore.”

Each year I make it a goal to go through my desk and closet to clear out “my stuff” but I discover that as soon as I take a carload of items to donate or my storage unit, it is almost always immediately replaced with what?  More stuff!

It can be depressing because at the time I feel great.  I’ve accomplished something, but give me a couple of weeks or if I’m lucky a month or two, I feel like I’ve been defeating. My clutter, also known as organized chaos, can be disorganized.  It can be overwhelming and cause stress. 

 Over the last several years, I have discovered that my clutter isn’t just physical.  It is the overwhelming amount of files on my computer.  It is the pings every few minutes from text messages or social media notifications.  It is my to-do list of items floating around in my head.  All of these things are items that compete for my attention forming a digital clutter just like the physical clutter.  My brain doesn’t get a chance to fully process things. 

With all that being said, I have been witness to Kira getting frustrated enough to cause an anxiety attack leading to a glitch fest because she can’t find something.  Sometimes I can locate the item she is looking for and calms her down.  Other times she is determined to find the item herself. 

I have set a goal to focus on one room a month to downgrade the clutter.  It won’t be an easy process but I think it will be beneficial to our overall mental state.    

Socialization and Anxiety

We are always looking for ways to enrich our homeschool experience.  About two years ago, my kiddo needed friends and I really needed to get out of the house.  I needed more adult interaction!  So I turned to my fellow homeschool moms and discovered many of them were involved with a 4-H club called Hooked on Nature.  The kids loved it!  It was nature based and who wants to be stuck in the house all the time, right?  We signed up immediately...

Here's what I forgot.  Since I moved to South Florida, I have become more of a homebody.  I prefer to be inside.  I don't go camping.  I don't go for hikes.  I don't venture out in a canoe or kayak - I strongly dislike snakes and alligators.  I was learning to rock climb but Florida doesn't even have hills unless you count Mount Trashmore - and I don't.  I don't spend time at the beach because...that's tourist territory (and I can't swim).  But the big reason I don't go outside much is that mosquitoes are evil.  They grow them big down here.  They seem to think that I am candy.

The 4-H club was primarily fishing which at the time I didn't realize my daughter disliked.  She had problems with the reel.  She got frustrated when she got a snag.  She got frustrated when her friends caught fish and she didn't.  It just was one big giant mess.  Her frustration was causing me frustration and I didn't understand.

This was not my intent.  Being in the great outdoors is scientifically proven to be good for your health - fresh air and Vitamin D.  Vitamin D is essential for strong bones, it helps your body absorb calcium and it also helps with depression.  Studies have shown that being near water can improve your stress levels and it makes us happy!  (No wonder people move to coastal cities or go on cruises!)  Fishing is not something that you frequently converse while doing so considering her anxiety, I thought that having that solitude was something she would embrace.  She was still with her friends but could be alone as well. 

I thought of my own experiences fishing and apparently was trying to recreate them with her.  When I was her age (and much younger), I loved fishing with my Papa.  It was a bonding experience and I have so many fond memories of going out to the farm with him.  I learned you needed to be patient (which is still not my strong suit).  Yet, when it came to fishing, I could be out there for hours with him and the only complaint would be that I needed to use the bathroom.

I don't remember experiencing the anxiety she experiences so I have a hard time understanding what she is going through.  I know anxiety causes her heart to race, her breathing to become labored, she cries and wants to avoid all situations that cause these feelings and I don't blame her.  My heart aches for her because I want to help, I just don't know how.  Simple tasks that are simple to you or me are huge obstacles for her.  They are speed humps for us, but mountains for her.  I know she'll succeed but we have to find the right path for her.  I'll be the first to admit that there are times I lose my cool and I often turn to some of my homeschool moms for guidance.

At the end of her first year of 4-H, it turned out, her interest wasn't the only one lacking.  With dwindling interest in fishing, the kiddos voted to expand to archery.  Now we are having to turn kids away!

Panic Attacks are Evil

I woke up to the sun shining, the temperature cooler...and our neighbors in the process of remodeling resulting in constant sawing and hammering. I have absolutely no problem with the noise but my homeschooled daughter who suffers from anxiety, often related to noise, does.

Picture Source: A Nerd's Guide to Anxiety

A lot of her schoolwork is now completed online and in using my laptop she is able to go to another room. Unfortunately, with this particular noise, even on the other side of our small home, you could still hear the sawing and banging. She was able to get her writing class finished and had started on her daily reading when she crumbled. There was just no way for her to press on.


Insert lunch break and tv show downtime.

What's that? SILENCE?! Yippee! Back to school work.

But then, I ruined it. A friend of mine and former co-worker with my husband, Jennifer, is a mental health advocate. She suffers from postpartum and anxiety. She does a weekly vlog called "The Sunday Sprinkle". What is "The Sunday Sprinkle?" Well, Jennifer says it best - I share the darkest corners of my brain in shows about mental health and cover everything from tips on eating healthy to the best ways to cope with a panic attack.

Jennifer has decided to offer Anxiety Coaching. In my head, I thought great! Someone else that my daughter can utilize in her times of need. I contacted Jennifer for more information and she sent me this link which is an initial assessment so she has a sense of what they are dealing with. Together we watched the video and my daughter broke down. She sobbed. Everything that Jennifer mentioned is what she goes through.

I do not have anxiety so it is hard for me to relate. As a parent, it breaks my heart to see her hurting or unsure of herself.

On a positive note, while doing a little more anxiety research (and looking for a meme for this post) I came across A Nerd's Guide to Anxiety. My daughter and I skimmed through it and according to her it's a good read.