Socialization and Anxiety

We are always looking for ways to enrich our homeschool experience.  About two years ago, my kiddo needed friends and I really needed to get out of the house.  I needed more adult interaction!  So I turned to my fellow homeschool moms and discovered many of them were involved with a 4-H club called Hooked on Nature.  The kids loved it!  It was nature based and who wants to be stuck in the house all the time, right?  We signed up immediately...

Here's what I forgot.  Since I moved to South Florida, I have become more of a homebody.  I prefer to be inside.  I don't go camping.  I don't go for hikes.  I don't venture out in a canoe or kayak - I strongly dislike snakes and alligators.  I was learning to rock climb but Florida doesn't even have hills unless you count Mount Trashmore - and I don't.  I don't spend time at the beach because...that's tourist territory (and I can't swim).  But the big reason I don't go outside much is that mosquitoes are evil.  They grow them big down here.  They seem to think that I am candy.

The 4-H club was primarily fishing which at the time I didn't realize my daughter disliked.  She had problems with the reel.  She got frustrated when she got a snag.  She got frustrated when her friends caught fish and she didn't.  It just was one big giant mess.  Her frustration was causing me frustration and I didn't understand.

This was not my intent.  Being in the great outdoors is scientifically proven to be good for your health - fresh air and Vitamin D.  Vitamin D is essential for strong bones, it helps your body absorb calcium and it also helps with depression.  Studies have shown that being near water can improve your stress levels and it makes us happy!  (No wonder people move to coastal cities or go on cruises!)  Fishing is not something that you frequently converse while doing so considering her anxiety, I thought that having that solitude was something she would embrace.  She was still with her friends but could be alone as well. 

I thought of my own experiences fishing and apparently was trying to recreate them with her.  When I was her age (and much younger), I loved fishing with my Papa.  It was a bonding experience and I have so many fond memories of going out to the farm with him.  I learned you needed to be patient (which is still not my strong suit).  Yet, when it came to fishing, I could be out there for hours with him and the only complaint would be that I needed to use the bathroom.

I don't remember experiencing the anxiety she experiences so I have a hard time understanding what she is going through.  I know anxiety causes her heart to race, her breathing to become labored, she cries and wants to avoid all situations that cause these feelings and I don't blame her.  My heart aches for her because I want to help, I just don't know how.  Simple tasks that are simple to you or me are huge obstacles for her.  They are speed humps for us, but mountains for her.  I know she'll succeed but we have to find the right path for her.  I'll be the first to admit that there are times I lose my cool and I often turn to some of my homeschool moms for guidance.

At the end of her first year of 4-H, it turned out, her interest wasn't the only one lacking.  With dwindling interest in fishing, the kiddos voted to expand to archery.  Now we are having to turn kids away!

Panic Attacks are Evil

I woke up to the sun shining, the temperature cooler...and our neighbors in the process of remodeling resulting in constant sawing and hammering. I have absolutely no problem with the noise but my homeschooled daughter who suffers from anxiety, often related to noise, does.

Picture Source: A Nerd's Guide to Anxiety

A lot of her schoolwork is now completed online and in using my laptop she is able to go to another room. Unfortunately, with this particular noise, even on the other side of our small home, you could still hear the sawing and banging. She was able to get her writing class finished and had started on her daily reading when she crumbled. There was just no way for her to press on.


Insert lunch break and tv show downtime.

What's that? SILENCE?! Yippee! Back to school work.

But then, I ruined it. A friend of mine and former co-worker with my husband, Jennifer, is a mental health advocate. She suffers from postpartum and anxiety. She does a weekly vlog called "The Sunday Sprinkle". What is "The Sunday Sprinkle?" Well, Jennifer says it best - I share the darkest corners of my brain in shows about mental health and cover everything from tips on eating healthy to the best ways to cope with a panic attack.

Jennifer has decided to offer Anxiety Coaching. In my head, I thought great! Someone else that my daughter can utilize in her times of need. I contacted Jennifer for more information and she sent me this link which is an initial assessment so she has a sense of what they are dealing with. Together we watched the video and my daughter broke down. She sobbed. Everything that Jennifer mentioned is what she goes through.

I do not have anxiety so it is hard for me to relate. As a parent, it breaks my heart to see her hurting or unsure of herself.

On a positive note, while doing a little more anxiety research (and looking for a meme for this post) I came across A Nerd's Guide to Anxiety. My daughter and I skimmed through it and according to her it's a good read.

New Year, New Me...so cliché!

res·o·lu·tion
/ˌrezəˈlo͞oSH(ə)n/
noun

a firm decision to do or not to do something.
"she kept her resolution not to see Anne any more"
synonyms: intention, resolve, decision, intent, aim, plan;

People all around the world made "resolutions" for 2019, many of which will be broken within the first month, maybe even the first week.  This year is no different.  Gyms and diet programs are doing booming business because who doesn’t want to lose weight and be slimmer by summer?  Don’t get me wrong, I do too, but I know I cannot stick with it.  When I fail at something, I tend to be very critical and beat myself up for not accomplishing my “plan.”  Beating myself isn’t doing me any good but I do nonetheless.    

A good friend told me she didn’t make resolutions but goals.  Goals that are reasonable. 

goal
/ɡōl/
noun

the object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.
"going to law school has become the most important goal in his life"
synonyms: objective, aim, end, target, design, intention, intent, plan, purpose

While at lunch yesterday, my daughter brought up New Year’s Resolutions.  I told her I don’t make resolutions, I make goals.  As a family, we thought about things that we wanted to do or start doing again.  

Her request for a family goal is to go back to having a weekly board game night.  Weekly is hard to do for us because of my husband's work schedule so we decided on a bi-weekly board game on Wednesday nights!  She discussed how much she enjoyed our board game nights and since that is something that is important to her, I want to make it happen.  Sure there are weeks we may not be able to accomplish it, but we will aim for that goal.  Maybe it will be a family tradition she does with her own family one day! 

I have a list of goals I would like to accomplish but I decided to pick 3.  

Personal - For Christmas, I made t-shirts for my daughter and 3 of her friends, her "sisters", using my Silhouette Cameo.  Although I was intimidated, I really enjoyed the end result and would like to make more!   

Home - Continue the decluttering of my home, specifically my bedroom which has that storage unit look.

School - Organize 1 field trip for our homeschool group each quarter.

Bonus - Complete my Goodread's Book Challenge (number of books pending).

What are your goals for 2019?